How is teen dating abuse like adult domestic abuse?
Although teens, because of their lack of experience don’t recognize this, teen dating violence is similar in many ways to adult domestic violence. First, it happens between all kinds of people – rich, poor, middle class, heterosexual, gay or lesbian persons. Secondly, it happens in all races or ethnic backgrounds and it also happens between people from all religions.
Teen dating abuse also has the same patterns of abuse as adult abusive relationships do. Most abusers will start out “testing the waters”; doing something very small but hurtful like making fun of you. Then, if you accept it without comment, they increase their abuse. If you object or cry, they will apologize – profusely. They will buy you a gift they know you want or bring flowers. Abusers always say the same things: “I’m sorry; I won’t do it again”; or not unusually, “you made me do it”.
Often, if they have used words to hurt you or humiliate you, they will say “I didn’t mean it like that. Can’t you take a joke?” This is meant to confuse you and to humiliate you further by implying that it’s all your fault that you don’t understand what he(0r she) says. Do not fall for this cowardly ploy for a New York minute.
The next abuse will be more hurtful. An abuser works to desensitize you, to see how far they can go without consequences so they can go further. AND SO THEY CAN KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO CONTROL YOU THROUGH YOUR EMOTIONS. Teen dating abuse is like adult domestic violence in that the abuser has you so confused, so hurt yet sure it is YOU that you are like a prizefighter, reeling against the ropes. They have you apologizing for nothing, wondering what you can do to make it better, and feeling terrified that their rage will happen again – and you won’t know when or why.
Like adult abusers, teen abusers become most dangerous when their prey – YOU – decide to leave the relationships. You need help and you need resources to do this safely. Please don’t underestimate the violence these people are capable of doing, no matter how young they are.
How is teen dating violence different from adult domestic violence?
During your teen years, you are developing your future life. You’re learning how to form friendships with both genders, to build the school grades, personal interests and values that will support your future life. This is also when you are able to experiment with extracurricular activities to “try on” possible careers. This time is when you are learning how to build healthy relationships.
Do you like acting? Or writing? Or teaching? Athletics? Medicine? Being a business owner? Do you dream of being the first girl in your class to fly to the moon? There are endless possibilities in your world, wherever you are, to test out your talents and your interests. Check them out.
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