Focusing on Ourselves

One thing that is extremely easy to see are the problems of others, but the things that are extremely hard to see are the problems in ourselves. This is why very few people ever truly uncover the solution to addiction and discover their true Self. The true Self is our Higher Power and we can’t be developing a relationship with our Self if we are constantly focused on other people’s problems. Turning toward the problems of others may eventually become a diversion and distraction if we don’t remember the true nature of spiritual growth.

It isn’t up to us to determine whether someone is doing what is best for them. When we can’t keep the focus on ourselves, a sponsor from a twelve step group may help us to see how the problems we see in others are really a reflection of our own problems. Rather than wanting to look at our own problems, we immediately start to notice how “they” are talking too much or “they” aren’t really working their spiritual program. In actuality, it is us who is at fault and we are projecting our own problems onto others. Almost instantaneously, as if by some strange contagious virus, we have caught the same problem that we thought we noticed in another. If we aren’t skilled at observing ourselves, this fact will elude us completely and stunt our progress on the spiritual path for many years.


Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll
understand what little chance you have in trying to
change others. -Jacob Braude


When we turn to point our finger, even for a second, we have lost focus on ourselves and given up our practice of “seeing the problem”. We have started to become experts at how “others” become egotistical. We have started to develop what is commonly termed “The spiritual ego”. To continually see how others are falling short and constantly be speaking about the great knowledge we have acquired is often a distraction from true self-observation and authentic change in ourselves. Rather than looking at ourselves, we become obsessed with the behavior of others. We point our finger and refer to others as “control freaks” or “those lost in their egos”. Though we may not think we fall under that heading ourselves, we all have this buried behind our own wall of denial. It manifests itself constantly in every thought and emotion we may have. Any addict who has ever given up his or her addictions knows this first hand. You begin to see that you too have been suffering from a hidden “control freak” mechanism or that somehow, without realizing it, you too are “lost in your ego”.