Children - Coping with an Addicted Parent

It is important for children to know that when a parent drinks or takes drugs it is not because the child did anything wrong or because the parent does not love them. All too often a child will take that burden on themselves because there is no one there to tell them that they are not to blame.

If the parent who was an addict is still using drugs or alcohol, the best thing a child can do to cope is to make sure they stay in a safe place. If they know a parent drinks in the afternoon, staying in their room or going to a friend's house that they trust will keep them from having to be exposed to volatile behavior that is common with addiction. If the child is very young that can be hard to do.

By nature children do not want to tattle on their parents. They want to be loyal because they love their parents regardless of the way they behave. Encourage children of alcoholic or drug-addicted parents to talk to another adult that they trust. This person can be a close neighbor that they can run to if the situation in their house becomes dangerous or unbearable. It could be a teacher or another family member the child can call. Knowing that they are not stuck in a situation that is frightening for them will help them feel more secure.

If the child is a teenager, it can be very difficult simply because by nature teenagers are struggling with their own autonomy. Mixing that with an alcoholic or drug-addicted parent can spell disaster. But the same advice holds true for teenagers. Let your teenager know it is okay to seek the help of a teacher at school, a family friend that he or she trusts or another family member.

It helps if the child can be exposed to a normal environment. Spending long weekends during school vacation in another home, whether it be a family member or friend's house, will let the child know that there is an alternative. Not everyone behaves the way an alcoholic or drug abuser behaves. This can help break the cycle of addiction that is so common in families.

Many studies have been conducted on children of alcoholic parents. These studies show that children who have a strong, consistent family member present in their life who they feel safe coming to can grow up and move past the pain they experienced as children with alcoholic parents.

Finally, encourage the child to talk about what is happening honestly. Just like adults, children have feelings of embarrassment and guilt. Admitting that your parent is an alcoholic or drug user can be difficult for a child, but it is important to acknowledge the problem before the problem can be solved. Just like with adults, a child can't stop their parent from drinking or using drugs; therefore, it is vital that the responsible adult is able to assure the child that they didn't do anything wrong and that they can't do anything to change their parent. The parent has to be the one to make that change.