Many times the spouse of an addict will walk around on eggshells because they never know what will set off their spouse. They begin to worry about children and money issues, especially if the addict is using household money to fund their addiction.
Arguments are common between husband and wife when one of the spouses is an addict simply because the security of the family is at risk. If a person suspects that their spouse is addicted to drugs or alcohol and is using family funds, it's best for the spouse to open up his or her own bank account. It doesn't matter if you've never had separate bank accounts in the past. What matters is you need to be proactive and make sure that your family is taken care of because your spouse is either unwilling or unable to take care of the family financially.
Many spouses feel that part of their marriage vow means that they need to take care of their addicted spouse. That's not the case. It is important for the person in the relationship who is not addicted to drugs and alcohol to take care of themselves, too. It is very easy to get wrapped up in the destructive behavior of an alcoholic or drug abuser. But this can do serious emotional damage to the person who is not addicted.
For this reason it’s important that the person in the relationship who is not addicted spend some time outside of the house and the relationship. Living day in and day out with an addict can feel very isolating. Pretty soon it can become difficult for the spouse who's not addicted to have trouble relating to other people because of embarrassment, self-deprecation and depression.
Maintaining your own interests and seeing your friends on a regular basis will help keep balance in your life and give you a break from the struggle of dealing with an addicted spouse. It is also helpful to be around other people who understand boundaries, because in an addictive situation boundaries are often broken.
It can sometimes be hard to know when it is time to remove yourself from the relationship. If the addiction gets so bad that the relationship progresses to violence, it is best to remove yourself from that situation to keep you and your family safe.
Sometimes that can be a wake-up call for the addict. But don't count on that. There may be a temptation to play games to force the addict into treatment, but the only way an addict will go into treatment is when they are ready. The only thing games will accomplish is hurting yourself and hurting the relationship.
Attending formal programs like Al-Anon or seeking the advice of clergy can help give support to a spouse of an alcoholic or drug abuser. Don't let your fear or embarrassment get in the way of seeking help. Even though it might feel that way, you are not alone and there are many support groups available to give you education and advice on how to cope with a spouse who is an addict.
No comments:
Post a Comment