How Do You Cope With An Addict?

Living with a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol is not a walk in the park. In fact, not only can the alcohol or drugs consume the addict’s every waking thought, it can also consume every waking thought of the person living with the addict.

Living with an addict is more than just simply staying out of the addict's way. Strong emotions are involved. For instance, the wife of an alcoholic might spend her afternoon watching the clock, waiting for the car to pull in the driveway, and wondering if her husband is going to be drunk. A child might hide out in their room, pretending to play with their toys but keeping their attention focused on the noises in the other room just in case a parent is drunk. A parent might walk the floor at all hours worrying about their child drinking and driving.

That kind of worry and constant obsession with wondering what is going to happen when an alcoholic or a drug user walks through the door is no way to live. Many people can't live with the stress of dealing with a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Arguments and depression are commonplace in families living with an addict. Many marriages break up for just this reason. Children will run away from home rather than live in a house that is in such chaos just to escape the fear and anxiety of living with an addict.

Unless you've lived through the experience, it's hard to understand the constant worry and the reasons why people stay or they go. No one person can make that decision for you.

Coping with addiction means you not only have to keep yourself physically safe, it also means you need to protect your emotions. Alcoholics and drug users feed off of the emotions of people around them. They use them to their advantage. You might not think that the person you love is calculating or manipulative, but this is what addiction does to people. It can change loving and caring individuals into liars where everything they say is suspect.

I once heard a recovering alcoholic who had been sober for four years say that he now has children. He went on to explain that when he was drinking he was not a parent as soon as the alcohol touched his lips. All images of his two sons went out of his mind. He forgot about his job, his wife and his responsibilities. He never meant to desert them emotionally, but that is exactly what he did. His addiction took over the moment he took his first drink.

This is a hard concept for a person who loves the addict to understand. Many times a spouse or child will feel like they are the ones that should have done something to stop the one they love from drinking or taking drugs. They should have been strong enough to do it or they should have loved them enough to make it work. They can't believe that their father or mother or son or daughter or grandparent or uncle or aunt would ever do anything to hurt them.